This is for black Mothers with son(s). I know that, for many of us, we do not get a lot of community help and there is no exact way of doing things when it comes to having and raising children.
We can never think that we are fully prepared when it comes to children.
They’ll hit you with a blindsider with all due disrespect and no remorse.🤣
That’s one tip, don’t get too comfortable with a plan or think you got things all the way under control. It’s a reason why they say things like “they’ll keep you on your toes” or “I bet they keep you busy” and those are great sayings to summarize what it’s like to have children, especially boys.
Sometimes I wonder if I do more toe standing than a ballerina.
The best we can do is to just do with what we know, experience, and learn.
As I’m writing this, I thought of an ex friend that has three sons, all of them older than my son. We were talking about kids sleeping and she was saying how she has trouble putting her sons to bed. I am known to have a conversation, conversing back and forth. So I told her how I put my son to sleep and maybe she could try it out. Weeks after, I went to her house, we were talking and she brought up how someone tried to tell her how to put her son(s) to sleep. Then says, how the f*** are you going to tell me how to put my kids to sleep, I have three sons. She must’ve forgotten that it was me that she was texting that day or she purposely meant to say it but tried to act like she forgot who she had that convo with.
I tell that story because I believe you can and should learn from anyone. You never know how a new Mother can help you look at things differently or teach you somethings. Just because you have already been a Mother for years does not mean you know everything and you can’t learn something from a new Mother, whether good or bad.
Maybe you are a seasoned Mother or a new Mother, here are some life lessons I’ve learned as a Mother of a son that was born in 2021. These can be known to you or new to you.
Alright here we go, in no exact order
Do not hit or spank your son. I believe it can negatively impact them when it comes to females and when it comes to their self-esteem.
Tend to your child first and everything else will flow better.
Don’t get too comfortable with a routine or schedule because it will change so be prepared for change.
Have the same diet as your child if you do not like to waste food.
If you sleep close to your baby, try not to breathe in their direction. We breath in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide. Someone told me this is not good so I haven’t done it. Also I just don’t want to be breathing my adult breath in their direction anyway 😂.
Let your son(s) get out the house often. They need to move around and I also heard it can mess with their self-esteem.
Have tough/thick skin for the accidents that may happen to them. Have all the first aid kits and trainings you can get.
Be your healthiest self around them. You need to make sure you tend to your well being so that they can be well. Work on your shadow/dark side, your anger, bitterness, childhood traumas, any traumas, etc.
DO NOT do girly/womanly things around your son as much as possible. Do not take them to the nail nor hair salon. Do not let them see you doing feminine things as much as you can help it.
Monitor the things that they watch and listen to. Some toxic masculinity I think is ok like the battle gun games they play and action figures fighting.
Let them help out with different tasks, keeping them busy but not taking the place of what you can do. Don’t misuse your son(s), just let them help, which is teaching them.
Purchase furniture in a thoughtful way. You might not want to get the all white sofa that’s expensive and hard to get stains out of. Also, decorate thoughtfully as well.
When going out, try to keep it simple and smart. OMG, I remember I would go out and would have so many bags. One day I was going to the pediatrician and someone saw me struggling and said we can tell you’re a new Mom 🤣. I bet you that was the last day they saw me with all those bags. I had a grey diaper bag that has all kinds of pockets for all the things I need for my son and also space for me to take things I need like my phones, payment cards, lip moisturizer, etc.
Make a conscious effort to tend to your son(s). This is how you will learn them, remember their authentic ways, and figure out how to raise them and know what they need.
Let’s connect and be cool.